The good, the bad, and the ugly

The GOOD news is that a beautiful, seven year old little girl will not be an orphan much longer. A mommy and daddy are going to adopt her, love her, and be her forever family.

The BAD news is that Scott and I wanted that little girl to be ours.The adoption board in the Philippines chose another family to be hers.

 The UGLY is how it makes me feel.  I first became interested in this little girl when we were there a year and a half ago adopting Khomer. We inquired about her last summer, and were told she was not legally free for adoption. She finally became available for adoption a few months ago. We submitted our initial interest last month knowing that there were other families interested in her. We were told the adoption board would review everyone’s files and make a choice. Then we waited…and waited … and waited for answer. It came today. They chose another family that already had their “dossier” or initial paperwork completed. This will speed up her adoption by a month or two. I get it. I know why they chose them instead of us. It makes sense. But it still hurts.

Back when we were trying to get pregnant, I had so many negative pregnancy tests over the years that I cannot even count them. Months, and months, and months of disappointment. I had two miscarriages. That’s what this sort of feels like. The hope… the waiting…the eager anticipation...the planning. Trying to be optimistic without getting your hopes too high.  Then the low. The news you knew was a real possibility...but that you were dreading...that it was not meant to be.  

 I know God has a plan. I know things happen for a reason.  I know that someday another little girl will become ours, and I won’t be able to even imagine our lives without her. But for now it just hurts.